I am always reluctant, and always conflicted, when asked to pass judgment on a man who has taken his own life.
The last few days, Nigeria’s social media has been talking about Akinbolusere Kayode, the Ondo businessman many knew as Tolufe. By the reports, he put his house in order before he left it. He spoke of a will, thanked the wife who stood with him from humble beginnings, and said no one forced his hand. He also spoke of machines that broke down and a business that was straining.
Look at that again. A man who could arrange his affairs with such care could not find a way to arrange his hope. The orderly mind and the breaking heart lived in one body, and no one saw the second. Some will call him a coward. Others will call him brave. I will not reach for either word. Cowardice is too cheap a verdict for a man in that much pain, and bravery is too grand a name for a road that leaves wives and children grieving. He was a man who ran out of hope. That is neither shameful to say nor easy to carry.
Our people say; ọwọ́ kan ò gbé ẹrù dórí – One hand cannot lift a load onto the head. Somewhere along the way, Tolufe’s load grew too heavy for one pair of hands. Perhaps he was too proud to ask, or too tired to explain. Our culture teaches men to be pillars and never to lean. We applaud the provider and forget he may be drowning. We ask, How is business? and never, How is your heart?
So let this be our lesson. Check on the strong ones. Ask the second question. Let a man know that failure is not the end of his name, and that no machine, no debt and no season of loss is worth more than his life. If your own heart is heavy tonight, do not carry it alone. Speak to someone today. May Tolufe rest. May his family find comfort. May we learn to listen before it is too late.
#Bamidele #MentalHealthMatters #EndTheSilence #OndoState
